Getting spiritual in Vietnam

Some of you may know that I left for a 24 day journey in Vietnam on March 13th. Today being March 18th then this is my fifth day of travel. There was absolutely no planning involved in this trip, all I knew was that I would fly into Saigon and stay with my friend Primavera and then follow my instincts and desires until at least making it to Hanoi in order to fly home on April 6th. This journey is kind of a spiritual rebirth of sorts. The last five years of my life have truly been the most difficult and yet perhaps most important years of my life. However, roughly two weeks prior to this trip, I experienced a rejuvenation of spirit. I came to life again as I like to call it. The purging of emotional pains and the exploration and discovery of a new love for myself have driven a newfound excitement and peace regarding this journey of life. I told a friend that I felt "like I am allowing myself to live again." As soon as I began to feel this way, amazing things began to happen in my life.

One of these things happens to be this trip to Vietnam. For some reason or other I have always wanted to come here, but didn't know when it would happen. I definitely know that it happened now for a reason. With the rebirth of my love for life also came back my sense of spiritually, of some greater force (perhaps indescribable and undefinable) at play in the universe and in my life. I began to "what I call listen to the universe" and to take moments of brief meditation in order to center myself and stay in the moment. In this manner, I am traveling around Vietnam. I am simply trying to stay aware of connections as they occur and to remain flexible and willing to follow them. This is definitely not always easy. But, something happened yesterday which is one such connection.

I just got into a new town called Nha Trang (it's the largest beach resort in Vietnam) and I wasn't exactly in the best of moods. I had spent the last two days in the Mekong Delta on this completely unorganized tour where I had to grapple with my feelings about watching a bunch of western tourists point cameras in people's faces because they live in a way much different than our experiences. And I not only travled from the Delta back to Saigon, but then spent the night aboard a sleeper bus from Saigon to Nha Trang where I had to listen to my ipod the entire time because the bus driver would not stop constantly honking his horn. Through all this, I had managed to stay positive and write in my journal about the learning experience and such. When I left my hotel to explore Nha Trang, I felt irritated that I didn't have a car or motor bike to get around to places of peace and serenity. I thought that I wanted to try to make it to this secluded beach called Jungle Beach but didn't feel comfortable getting there on my own. As I was walking along the road feeling that this town really was not where I wanted to be, a motor bike driver stopped in front of me calling out, "Hey, what are you doing now?" When I turned to see him, I found out that he was the very same motor bike driver that I had ridden around Saigon with. He took me to a bunch of temples and other sites and it was a very good tour. This could not have been a mere coincidence in my mind, so I told him that I was trying to get to Jungle Beach. He said that he would take me there and off we went. Well, turns out he wasn't going to take me to Jungle Beach at all, but I completely let go of any expectations and thought that wherever he takes me is where I need to go. He took me to a Pagoda where I marveled at the power of the feminine as it was a shrine to a Goddess. This was important because I have been wrestling lately with what it means to be female and seeing strong depctions of women goddesses carved into stone gave me a peace of mind that femininity is much more all encompassing than modern societies filters have allowed.

Next, he took me to a buddist monastary and temple. As soon as I got there I was approached by a woman wanting me to buy some postcards to support the orphans that lived at the monastary. She told me that 18 orphans lived there and they needed the money to help them live. I really, really wanted to give her money but I didn't have much with me and I had to save what I had for the motor bike driver. I began to climb up the steps to reach this giant white Buddha at the top of the hill. Along the way, there were multiple people asking for money. When I got to the big Buddha, there was a group of kids playing cards and I suspected that they were some of the orphans that lived there. I felt an intense swelling of compassion for these children and wished that there was something with a more permanent effect that I could do other than give a few dollars. I walked up to the Buddha and there was a shrine inside. I took off my shoes, gave a bow and approached the altar. I stood in front of it with my eyes closed trying to take in my feelings and emotions. Before I knew what hit me, I began to cry. I felt overwhelmed at the positive changes that have taken place in my life as well as a desire to make a difference. I made a vow to myself that I would try to figure out a way at some point in my life to actually be able to come somewhere not for vacation and not only to volunteer to have a cool experience, but to do something to make a lasting impression. As a few tears trickled down my face, an old man sitting in the temple lit a stick of incense and brought it over to me. I then placed it in the urn and watched it burn. This experience was so powerful to me. And to think that when I left my hotel room that morning I simply thought that I wanted to go find a cool beach and that the temples around here were nothing special and relaxing was more important. Well, I guess this was the reason the motor bike rider reappeared for me. Thanks universe is all I can say.